To you, it was just a simple conversation about how to do things a little better. And yet somehow you’re now sitting in an office or on a Zoom call with a staff member who’s in the middle of a breakdown. They might be yelling, or crying, or telling you in great and emphatic detail why you’re wrong and exactly what you can do with your feedback. Either way, it’s not the situation you envisioned going into the meeting.

The only thing worse is when you give someone feedback and they sit there, smile and nod, and tell you they’ll be sure to keep it in mind ... only for you to find out weeks or months later they just ignored you and kept on doing things how they wanted to do them.

What’s happening with bad responses to feedback?

There are so many things that could be going on if somebody’s responding to feedback in a way you didn’t expect. People are still under higher stress levels in general, and many are adjusting to hybrid work environments that are layering even more complexity into their work. Most of the time, whatever their response is has very little to do with the content of the feedback, and much more to do with the other things going on in their life.

That’s why the first step is always to get curious.

When someone responds badly to feedback, ask them what’s going on. Be calm and non-judgmental, and genuinely curious. You might be surprised at what you hear! Even if they end up sharing information with you that has nothing to do with the feedback you’ve just given, that’s more information you can use in your management, so there’s really no way to lose here. And, best case scenario, they’ll be able to walk you through exactly what about your feedback was difficult for them, so you can fix it!

Consider what your relationship with that person is like.

Along those same lines, think about the kind of relationship you have with that person. You have to have a relationship with someone to successfully deliver feedback, otherwise it’s just information. If you find that people aren’t responding to your feedback (or are responding badly to it), it could be that you just don’t have that kind of relationship with them, and you need to work on growing a more positive and healthy relationship. 

Take a look at your feedback style.

We’re not often explicitly taught how to give feedback, but it’s such an important skill. If you’ve never considered your feedback style, or only gone with the kind of feedback style your managers used with you, take a moment to reflect and see if that’s really effective. If you’re not sure, or realizing you could use a brush-up on your feedback style, take a look at these best practices -- they’ll help you give the kind of feedback that people take on board and actually follow through on!

Three feedback best practices every manager should follow:

Best Practice 1: Paint what “done” looks like

In Dare to Leave, Brene Brown presents this concept of “painting done” –– in other words, creating a very clear, explicit picture of what a task looks like when completed, how it impacts other processes, how you expect it to be done, etc. It sounds so simple, but it can be really hard to do! While it’s obvious to you how something should be done, or what it’ll look like when the person you’re giving feedback to implements that feedback, chances are they’re not going to magically intuit what you’re thinking. Paint a super clear picture of what “done” looks like so you’ll both be on the same page, and they’ll have a clear goal to aim at.

Best Practice 2: Work alongside them

This can be one of the most powerful ways of getting feedback to stick, especially if you’ve given someone feedback a couple of times and they’re still not getting it. It could be that they just need you to sit down and do it with them a couple of times so they can work through it step by step with your guidance. By doing it with them side by side, you can model your expectations as well as the way the project needs to be done, so they know exactly what they should be doing. And, if the problem persists, you can then move it into a performance review knowing that you’ve worked with them and that there’s no reason they shouldn’t be able to do this process correctly.

Best Practice 3: Give feedback to everybody all the time, not just in response to problems ...

It’s easy to fall into the habit of only giving feedback when something goes wrong, but this is both demoralizing and ineffective. Give feedback to everyone on the team regularly, so it becomes a normal, no-stress part of your work life. That way people don’t feel like they’re being nagged, or singled out when they do something wrong, and you have a structure in place that holds space for negative feedback as it comes along.

... and this includes you.

Most managers focus on giving feedback, but it’s absolutely crucial that you regularly receive it, too –– and I’m not just talking about from your higher-ups! As you’re setting up your regular feedback practice, make sure that you include a way for your team to give you feedback too. Encourage them to be honest, and make it clear that they’re not going to face any repercussions for negative or constructive feedback. It can be hard on your ego if you’re not used to it, but it’s so useful, and it creates a much better relationship with your team.

Feedback is one of the hardest things to do well, so if you’re struggling, you’re not alone! I’m here to help with The Feedback Workshop (September 12th) and my highly sought-after Manager Training Series (begins October 10th). Find out more about how I can help you hone your skills as a manager right here.

Give feedback in a way that feels really good — for you and your team members.

Ever sat through a presentation that was so sinfully dull you couldn’t help but make your grocery list for your weekly meal plan, just for something to do…but when the presenter asked you whether you enjoyed it, you said, “oh yeah, it was great. Really enjoyed it.”

I can almost see you nodding right now — because most of us just aren’t that great at giving feedback.

Giving feedback truly is one of the hardest parts of leadership. 

Knowing how to phrase criticism in a way that’s constructive, that won’t send your perfectionist-leaning employees into a total spin, and that won’t make you feel like a jerk in the process is a skill that takes time and effort to master.

But the consequences of not putting in that time and effort can be huge.

Without appropriate feedback, tiny problems can quickly escalate into big, unfixable issues, individual performance will suffer, and you’ll struggle to hit your organizational goals. Above all, while it might feel like you’re being kind by avoiding negative feedback, ultimately you’re denying people that chance to work at their very best — and reach their full potential.

So, how do you give feedback in a way that feels good for everyone involved?

Well, I’ve recently discovered a new favorite strategy for giving feedback — and it’s a truly incredible way to ensure your criticism lands in a way that feels good for both you and the person on the receiving end while also making it easy for people to take advice and improve performance.

It’s part of a 2-step formula (step 1 of which might just come as a surprise!)

Step 1: Create a culture of feedback in your organization.

Okay, I know you were hoping I’d just give you a super useful script here and send you on your way. 

Well, the script is coming. But there’s one thing I’d invite you to do first that will make any feedback script you use 100% more effective:

Regularly requesting feedback.

Yes, scripts or formulas you can adopt and adapt are a great way to improve your feedback skills. What many leaders actually need to work on first, however, is developing an organizational culture that embraces feedback — and that culture should always start from the top.

Of course, this requires a little reorientation because no one actively enjoys asking for feedback. Doing so makes us feel vulnerable.

But when you, as a manager, regularly ask for feedback you open up a feedback cycle that offers multiple benefits:

1. Feedback begins to feel like just another facet of working life rather than something that only ever happens when someone screws up. As such, your employees won’t panic when the time comes for them to be on the receiving end — they’ll be less likely to go into defensive mode and be more open to what you’re saying. The added bonus: it’ll feel less like a huge deal to you too, so you’ll have less anxiety around the whole process.

2. Because you’re regularly inviting feedback, you’ll know how it feels to face potential criticism. You’ll experience different types of delivery and will learn what type of feedback pushes you towards change and which, at times, hurts your feelings. This will increase your empathy for your team members and help you deliver feedback in ways that are more sensitive and constructive.

3. When you model an ability to embrace feedback and use it to improve your own performance, your people will learn to do likewise.

4. Looking beyond the benefits of creating this feedback loop, learning what you’re getting right as a leader and what you’re getting wrong will be enormously helpful for your own development. You’ll learn about tiny problems before they escalate and you’ll be able to avoid all sorts of issues, from de-motivated employees to inefficiencies in your processes.

Here’s how to make it work:

Ask your team, “How am I doing as a manager? What’s one thing I’m doing well for you right now and what’s one thing that could go better?”

Do this regularly (during a weekly 1:1 is ideal if you can manage it) and remember to accept the feedback with good grace and with a willingness to act on the things you could be doing better.

Step 2: I like. I wish. I wonder.

So you’ve reoriented a little and understand the importance of modeling how to receive feedback; now is the time to bring in a script. And one feedback formula that I really love is this:

I like. I wish. I wonder.

Say you’ve had someone write an organizational report and you need to give feedback. Mention one thing you really like about the report. For example, “You’ve structured this beautifully”. Move on to one thing you wish they’d done differently: “I wish it was a little more concise.” And finish with the “I wonder” part: “I wonder if it would be more impactful if you included a section on X?”

This is incredibly subtle — but incredibly effective too. In fact, it’s so good, you don’t have to save it for your team; it can work just as well on your kids, your in-laws, or even your annoying neighbor!

The truth is, feedback isn’t about criticism — it’s about caring. After all, you didn’t get to where you are now without someone caring about you enough to provide feedback on how you could learn and improve. So creating a culture of feedback in your organization is a great way to pay that forward: when you feel comfortable enough to share and your people feel comfortable enough to listen, you’ll all be able to make greater progress towards your professional goals.

Want to learn more about how to deliver feedback in a way that feels really great for all parties? Take a deeper dive with my How to Give Feedback workshop where we’ll explore the “I like. I wish. I wonder” formula as well as some other easy-to-adapt feedback scripts, like the SBI feedback model from the Center for Creative Leadership, and the Eight-Step Feedback Formula from Candid Culture.

Sign up for The Feedback Workshop! Click here for details on how to join.

Running the Manager Training Series is one of my very favorite things to do ... but I’m not going to lie, this cohort last year had me at the brink.

We were talking about department meetings in general, and they had sooooo many questions.

• ​What would I include and not include?

• Who should run the meeting?

• Should they have a prepared agenda?

• Should the manager hosting the meeting be the only one talking?

• Is a team builder or icebreaker even necessary for an established team?

• What about notes or minutes, if yes, who should take them?

• And, on and on...

This line of questioning went on into delirium. But it did make me ponder their dilemma. Learning about the higher-level stuff was great. But they also wanted to know precisely how I would structure a departmental meeting if I were hosting one.

By the end of the line of questions, it was clear that they wanted my EXACT FORMULA for an effective team meeting. And, friends, this is how The Ideal Team Meeting​ formula was incubated. 

Later that day, I scratched out my ideas and added them to our private LinkedIn group. You know what? It worked! 

The next week a participant said, ​"​Hey Amy​,​ I tried your ideal team meeting format and it worked! Starting with that team builder that you recommended the format worked for my team.​"​ 

Thanks to this cohort, I’ve been deliberating on making more guides like this for SIX MONTHS. Over winter break, I recorded an on-demand that answers the question of exactly what you should include, how, and why. This also led me to plan a series of related classes that will support your curiosity in taking a deeper dive into some management tactics that we talk about at a high level during the ​M​anager ​T​raining ​S​eries.

And now, I’m very pleased to announce that Building Blocks to an Effective Team Meeting is ready and available for you to make your meetings that much better.

I’ve tested this with a few clients, and here is what one of them had to say:

"The Building Blocks to an Effective Team Meeting course hit the spot in terms of giving both conceptual and actionable guidance to address my current needs. I'm adopting The Ideal Team Meeting Agenda and adapting it to meet the needs of my senior leader meeting."

— David Weiner, CEO, Social Studies School Service

So if you’ve ever been in a meeting that’s less than great (or run one yourself!) check it out!

Is your team stalled or continuously experiencing mishaps or dysfunction? Managers leading teams that experience repetitive 'issues' often feel battered and unable to right the ship. The first step is to understand what is causing the dysfunction among your team and then get to work correcting it. Patrick Lencioni's Five Dysfunctions of a Team gives us an excellent roadmap to correct the dysfunction and cultivate strong teams. Whether you have significant issues or a few small burdens, these insights will help. 

In his book, Lencioni identifies that the five dysfunctions include:

1. Absence of trust—Unwilling to be vulnerable within the team.

2. Fear of conflict— Artificial harmony, not discussing real issues, conflict avoidance, unwillingness to speak up or listen.

3. Lack of commitment—Not involving team members in decision-making. Team members may be silent, but silence doesn’t necessarily mean agreement.

4. Avoidance of accountability—An unwillingness to hold each other accountable resulting in mediocracy instead of excellence. Team members duck the responsibility to call peers or superiors out on counterproductive behavior, which lowers the bar.

5. Inattention to results—Focusing on personal success, status, and ego before team success.          

How do you build these capabilities among your team? While each team will be at various stages of development, here are some ideas that we have accumulated that can help grow these capabilities for your team.

1. Absence of Trust. Look for ways to model vulnerability among your team. One example is to include sharing opportunities during team meetings, such as an icebreaker asking: What was your biggest failure in the last month, quarter, or year. Be prepared for some awkward silence but hold out until one person on your team is brave and willing to share their failure first. Then, be ready to share yours too. This is an easy but important trust-building activity for teams. 

2. Fear of Conflict. Artificial harmony looks like an unwillingness to share a counter opinion at a team meeting or in a 1:1. On the contrary, having a healthy debate and then a willingness to pick a direction and the whole team gets on board. How can you cultivate healthy conflict? First, practice having conflict on your team and then recognize teammates who willingly debate or offer a counter perspective. In your next team meeting practice conflict by debating first a fictitious situation such as which ice cream flavor is the best, pitting people/teams against each other. Other ideas are local favorite restaurants, and coffee shops (Starbucks vs. Dunkin, etc.). Then, practice with a real-life situation that you preselect. This type of debate is invaluable for the team. Regular practice will help the team get better and be more productive when real situations come up, and passionate debate is imperative to success. 

3. Lack of Commitment. When making a decision as a team, silence is not agreement. Leaders need to be careful not to accept silence as agreement. Silence will provide surface-level agreement, and then team members will grumble in the hallway after they have left the meeting. Instead, encourage an active dialog before making a decision. People need to weigh in to be bought into a decision or concept. Brene Brown Ph.D. is an American research professor, lecturer, author, and incredible podcast host. She shares on her podcast that she often holds blind votes in her team meetings to prevent the first person from swaying the others and creating a popular opinion. Also, that prevents the leader's opinion from unfairly influencing others. A blind sticky note vote on which direction you’ll be going on a decision is not a bad idea, even on Zoom.  

4. Avoidance of Accountability. This goes both ways, managers sometimes fail to be accountable to their team members, and team members sometimes fail to be accountable as well. In 1:1 meetings, are you asking for deadlines from your team members and then holding them to it? When can I expect to have that report in my inbox? Get a date and follow-up if the report is not done on time. At the same time, managers sometimes fail to follow through on their commitments; is anyone behind on quarterly or annual reviews? Make a point to get good at accountability by setting reminders, tracking deadlines, and bravely following up if things slide. Good management hygiene is a strong indicator of great leadership. 

5. Inattention to Results. Team results have to come before the individual or personal outcomes. While one salesperson could be having record sales, the production team could be swamped as a result, causing the brand to falter. The whole team has to work together and be focused on overall results, not simply individual results. 

Next steps?

After reading this identify the top 1-2 dysfunctions, your team may need to cultivate and begin implementing a plan to develop skills in this area. 

Building Strong Teams - Training Opportunity:

Want to cultivate your skills of Building a Strong Team? Sign-up for the training series Building Strong Teams. This four-part training series will help leaders develop competencies to cultivate a strong team. Apply here.

According to the research conducted by Gary Chapman and Paul White the authors of The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, people feel appreciated in 5 different categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Tangible Gifts and Physical Touch (that last one is not appropriate for the workplace!). Given our workplace climate, we will focus on the first four. As you think about your workplace, showing your appreciation in a variety of forms will be the best way to reach your diverse team.

Employee Appreciation Day Formula --->

food + gift, act of service, or event + handwritten note of appreciation = employees who feel appreciated

Food:

• Lattes

• Specialty donuts

• Locally sourced bagels

• Healthy, delicious, catered lunch

Gift, Act of Service, or Event:

• Schedule a chair massage therapist to come to your office

• Car wash (or car wash gift card)

• Magazine subscription (how about Fast Company, Entrepreneur, Inc.?)

• A special book

• Bottle of wine

• Use chalk on the sidewalk outside your office to draw your appreciation: 'Our team ROCKS!' If your team is large, have a few of your leaders meet you early in the morning to help cover the sidewalk with appreciation of everyone on your team. You could even use alliteration to match the first letter of their first name with an adjective such as: Can-do Carly or Sales Slugger Sam.

Handwritten Note of Appreciation:

Write handwritten notes of appreciation for each person on your team.

Finally, it’s not about how significant your appreciation day events or gifts are, it’s how much love goes into the act of appreciating your team members. Something simple with buckets-full of appreciation can be magnificent.

Note: This post was originally shared in 2017. With a few covid modifications and creativity it can be used for this years planning. Enjoy!

As published in the Vancouver Business Journal on July 20, 2018

Sixty-nine percent of employees who experience a proper on-boarding stay on the job for three years. If that’s not enough to catch your attention consider this: 20 percent of turnover happens in the first 45 days (Click Boarding).

We know that no business sets out to create an environment of chaos or one that is unwelcoming or even one that is boring, but new hires frequently report that their on-boarding is all three. New hires often report that they don’t have enough to do. Sitting at a desk or workstation staring at the computer with nothing to do to be productive is dreadful. And, it happens to new hires frequently.

An onboarding plan is a method by which a company acclimates, engages and retains new employees (Society of Human Resource Management). On-boarding is the secret sauce to cultivating a great team.

What should be included in an onboarding plan?

 

Before the First Day:

• Stay connected to your new recruit between the offer and their first day.

• Start on-boarding before your new team member’s first day by sending a welcome email or even a video greeting. This email will tell the employee what time and where to arrive on the first day of work, what they should wear and perhaps a bit about their first-day schedule. It will also convey how excited you are that the team member is coming to work for you.

• Share the news with your current team about your new hire, their start date, and some details about their background. Proactive communication with your team will help create an inviting environment for the new hires’ first day and transparency for your workforce.

• Mail a card to the new hire signed by the entire team.

 

First Day:

• The ideal first day should have a fully booked agenda with minimal downtime. Okay, just a little to let the employee login to systems and email. But not too much or things get boring. Naturally, the first day will include a meeting with their manager and also Human Resources or Payroll for important first-day paperwork.

• Show team members that you are expecting their arrival by creating a new hire welcome kit and have it sitting on their desk on the first day. Perhaps add some company swag in the form of a water bottle, coffee mug or company logo-wear to their welcome kit.

• Power-up their workstation to include all necessary supplies, technology, usernames and passwords that will be important for their work. If applicable order business cards, name tag, and ID badge before their first day.

• Provide a tour of the office along with introductions. Also, include a map of workstations so that they can easily find team members after the tour. Give new hires access to an employee directory and organizational chart.

• Take the new hire to lunch. Make a plan to take the new team member to lunch either in a group or 1:1.

• End of day wrap-up. Schedule a check-in at the end of the first day. Ask what went well and what could have gone better to gather insight as you plan for the remainder of their on-boarding. Repeat this check-in often.

 

Beyond the First Day:

• Create a schedule for the first two to three weeks. Pre-set essential meetings throughout the first weeks so that the new hire knows what to expect. Ideas include: meetings with business leaders, meetings with peers, having them sit in or join a special task force or project.

• Plan a formal sit down, or 1:1, with the manager and new employee at 30, 60 and 90 days.

• Assign ramp-up goals. What should the new hire accomplish in the first 30, 60 and 90 days?

• Schedule time for the new team member to train on all aspects of the business, not only their department. Cross-training and introductions to all departments in the first weeks can be helpful.

• Ask the new hire to rate his/her on-boarding at the end of 90 days. What went well? What could have gone better?

 

How long is the onboarding process?

A full 90 days. Yes, it is more intense upfront with the first day planned out by every hour. As the on-boarding progresses, you can check in and guide less frequently. Managers fail though when they stop engaging with their new hire after the first two to three weeks and assume they are all set.

The ideal scenario with onboarding is that a business recruits a talented superstar and they meet their superstardom beginning on the first day. Engage them, train them and set them free to contribute their talents to the business. On-boarding can go one of two ways: an employee reports to their friends and family that “it’s fine,” or they report, perhaps even brag on social media, that they “made the best career decision ever.” It’s your choice.

Amy McGeachy, PHR, is an HR consultant in Southwest Washington and the founder of McGeachy Consulting and The Exceptional Workplace. She has spent nearly a decade working hands-on with small business owners to cultivate their workforce and create the kind of businesses they’re proud to lead.

Supplies: Whiteboard or large post-it paper (for virtual teams a shared Google doc will work) and markers (colorful markers are best)

Participants: Any number

Time: Unlimited (could run Monday - Wednesday of Thanksgiving week)

---

Gratitude is contagious and most often it doesn't cost anything. Grab the post-it notes and start decorating your office!

---

This team builder can be kicked off at a regular staff meeting or even via email. In the spirit of Thanksgiving and being grateful, have participants share on the whiteboard or post-it paper what they are grateful for at work. The goal is to have employees reflect on what is great about the workplace and build a bond among the team as everyone collectively takes this time to reflect. There is no limit to how much each person writes; one person might write a word or multiple words while another might write a sentence.

Start with a whiteboard or large post-it paper and put it in a prominent location in your office. A location where people walk by often is the best. Write in the center, “What are you grateful for at work?” A bucket of colorful markers will help liven up the team builder.

Every workplace will have a different end result, some might be full of words while others may even have icons or pictures drawn. Encourage creativity.

Results: The individual and collective group reflection about what makes your workplace a great place to create a bond among the team. It’s simple and collectively effective at drawing out insights into your workforce.

Take a picture of the final product. Perhaps send the picture to your team expressing your own gratefulness or keep it for yourself for a rainy day to remind you of the synergy you've created. And if you want to brag about your workforce send me a picture of this masterpiece. Nothing makes me happier than a grateful workplace.

---

Supplies: Photos from team members, tape or pushpins

Participants: This is a relaxed spirit-boosting team builder for both small and large teams (3+)

Time: 10 to 15 minutes

Have team members bring a photo of themselves in a Halloween costume. They should secretly give it to you prior to the next staff meeting. All photos must be workplace friendly! Prior to the staff meeting, post all of the photos on a whiteboard (or wall). Let the team try and guess who is who. The person with the best-disguised costume (the hardest one to figure out) is the winner. This may be arbitrary! Give a pat on the back or a candy bar to the winner, your choice.

Results:

A fun stroll with your team down memory lane. Some employees may choose to bring a photo from their young childhood while others may want to bring something more recent. Either is acceptable as long as it’s workplace appropriate.

---